My Thoughts...

...so....already...in the 2 seconds that I've been pregnant...I've been over analyzing my "moods"....now....I've got to admit. I'm usually a venter. I'm not one to verbalize the good things...usually the bad....here are a few of my thoughts....whether they are my hormones talking or my usual "glass-half-empty" self....this is what's on my mind:

*Houseguests: houseguests are not fun. They just aren't. Even when they're hardly there. Derrick's uncle has been living with us since the end of July....I'm ready for him to go away. I'm tired of cleaning his FREAKING bathroom. I'm tired of cleaning up the crumbs. I'm tired of seeing that red car parked on the street. I'm tired of hearing his voice. I'm tired of not being able to walk around naked. I'm tired of having "quiet sex." I'm tired of having my things touched and moved and not put back in order. I can't take it.

*Fatigue: I mean, for real?! I'm the one who stays awake until 2am....wakes up at 6am....and gets to work by 7:30+....maybe it's an off week....maybe it's this baby thing....but I'm SO TIRED all the time! Oy!

*Boobs: I hate them. I hate seeing them all over the TV. Seriously- put them away. If this baby inside me is a boy....he will know to respect women. He'd better! Speaking of boobs....so...I hear that they get real nice while you're pregnant....and then soon after nursing....they get droopy....I like my lil boobies....I'm sad to hear that they are going to go byebye.....but it's worth it

*Decaf: Ew. I dunno if it was because it was a decaf. ice white chocolate mocha just the drink itself that was so gross...But Starbux disappointed me today. Yucky.

*Caffine: I'ved been trying to ween off caffine for some time now....I've been doing a pretty good job....but I love me some sweet tea. I've cheated twice and drank some. I know some people would love to make fun of me....tell me that it is not a big deal that I've drank a couple of glasses....but it's important for me that I'm able to rid of caffine in my diet for the next several months. It's something that I've wanted to do (when I'm pregnant) since as long as I can remember.

*Did I mention that I am done w/ houseguests? How many days are there left?! Right now he's sitting on the papasan in the middle of my living room.....the papasan goes in the office. It bugs the junk out of me. It needs to go back to it's spot. It's Derrick's fault...really....for not putting it back where it belongs. Gr.

*Friends: it's so amazing to spend time with good friends. I just love the Breaux family. They make me laugh! It's nice to have people in your life that will not bring drama. Drama sux. There are alot of other people in my life that I love....Katie- I told her today how much she helped me during my "nonpregnant" stage in life. I struggled to see the "bright side" of other's pregnancies vs. my own nonpregnancy. Katie made me feel normal. She never judged my ugliness towards others- she validated my feelings. She is heaven sent. Leslie and Jaime- they are like the sisters that I never had...even though there are times that I have a slight jealousy- which I think is natural when there is a friendship among 3+ girls- of their friendship...I know that they have my back...as I hope they know that I have theirs. It's also amazing how friendships change over time. Jenn- I love her to death....but I don't understand the choices she has made in her life. It's very frustrating. I wish that she could start over. I wish she could see things from our perspective....and maybe she does. Sometimes I don't know what to say to her....but I love her, nonetheless.

*Drama: I love drama- I love watching it unfold on the TV screen. I love hearing about it on MSN.com. I even love having random people confide things to me....but I. Kim. Try to live my life in a drama-free zone. I really do. In the past month....I have been dragged into drama....from a source I would never have expected. It really peeves me....even to this day. As hard as I've been trying to move on, the drama keeps coming back. I wish that I could say what my lil' Kim wants to say to the source of the drama....but that would only cause more- I'm sure. And that's lame. Ultra lame. I just want to be over it. They have run out of time to "talk" about it with me. Just go away. Seriously.

*Being Pregnant: Am I going to feel something?! Just a lil something? I wish I knew how far along I am....I can't wait until the 18th....hope we get to hear a heartbeat.

*Sisters: It took me a long time to get to know my sister-in-law Niki....but I'm so thankful that I did. I hope we're able to become closer....and I hope that the three of us (Niki, Tori, and I) can become closer too. Tori- I love that girl. It was super hard for me when she got pregnant. I was so selfish I guess....but she's so excited for me to be pregnant. Our kids will be less than a year apart. That is so much fun! I thank God that He's blessed me with two sisters. I've always wanted sisters.

*Wii: So....this may be another source for people to make fun of me.....but I really think that I need to retire the Wii until after the baby is born....it's way too stressfull for me...WAY too stressfull! I feel every fiber of my being tense up whenever I play....I'm sure that can't be good....plus....I hate to lose. Poor baby is probably like "dood- calm down!"

*Children: I love how innocent they are. Today after dinner, Elijah asked me to poke his stomach to see how full he is.....He said "feels like there's a baby in there...." I told him that I have a baby in my stomach. He responded with "are you kidding me?!" So cute (he's 5).....then later on, he said something about my baby kicking me....(he's convinced it's a boy...hmmm...) so I told him that my baby didn't quite have arms and legs yet.....you should have seen the look on that boys face. Priceless. We chatted a bit more about that. He was quick to explain to me that he had arms and legs....and then he showed me how my baby would kick me (by thrusting around his chest). It was great. I tried to explain to him that the baby was the size of a poppyseed (although I didn't say poppyseed) and that when it grew, it would grow arms and legs and eyes, and "stuff".... it was the best. ***Note to self- do not explain the pregnancy cycle to a 5 year old again***

*Husbands: I've wanted to blog about Derrick for some time now. Of course, like any relationship....there are ups and downs. Right now? It's both. It's up and it's down. Derrick has been so happy that we're pregnant. That makes me love him more...to see how excited he is. But sometimes...despite the fact that we've known each other for almost 10 years...I feel like he doesn't get me...I'm sure he feels the same way....But I must say- I know that I'm his princess. He'd do anything for me. He may not be as aggressive as I am....but he'd do anything for me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me....sometimes, I feel bad for him that I'm so high maintenance.....sometimes :)

*Days Off: Monday is Labor Day. No School. Yippee, right?! Except that I think I'm catching cold. My nose is running....my throat is ichy....this is not fun. I always catch cold during my days off from school. I'll get better within a couple of weeks, I'm sure....but then Fall Break is right around the corner! Gr! And what can I take to "cure" my sickness? Can I suck on cough drops? Can I take Airborne? I have no clue. Super sux.

*God: He's so faithful....when I'm not. I can't thank Him enough for allowing me to experience this pregnancy thus far. I know that it's still early....but I feel blessed to have been able to go through this process...I pray that God will keep me and my baby safe and healthy- that He will give Derrick the patience to deal with me- that He will comfort those who may be hurting that they are not pregnant and give them the desires of their heart. (Specifically for the Grays- I know that He has the power to heal- and the power of performing miracles- I pray that He does that in their life- I pray that He gives them the baby they want...) I pray that He'll help me to be a good mother...and Derrick a good father- that we will be patient- slow to anger- that in all things we do, we will be fair and thoughtful and not irrational. God really is good.

*Sleep: that's where I'm headed. Goodnight!

Knocked Up

I love it. It's true. I'm knocked up. Finally. I can't really even begin to describe what I'm feeling. I've waiting so long for this to happen! I have a permanent smile on my face. It's just unbelievable. Now- Let me go ahead and give the disclaimer- I know anything can happen. I know. But I have faith that God won't put me through anything that I can't handle- that He'll give me the strength to get through it. With that being said....EEEEEEP! I'M PREGNANT!!!! My goal- to update weekly to share my pregnancy thoughts...so that one day I can reread them and laugh- or cry- and reminisce.

How did I find out? Well...You know...it's been almost 3 years since I started trying. It's been a bit of an obsession really- taking pregancy tests every month....This summer has been hectic though...and I've pretty much known that nothing is going to happen. To top it off, Derrick's uncle is living w/ us for a short while...until he rents a house and moves his family down from OH. So...yeah...when I took the first pregnancy test, it was more of a "hmm-haven'tdonethisinawhile" type thing. Now, I'm used to seeing the stick turn flaming white with the single pink line. This time was different. The line gradually turned pink....and there was a lil sumpin next to it.... What's that?! (I was playing hooky that day)- I dragged Derrick in the bathroom...um...well, that's 2 lines.... What does that mean? I think it means you're pregnant Yeah...I don't think so. ....Derrick was so cute...He took a test himself....so we could compare his to mine....of course, his looked like mine normally do....so I took another one. This line was much much fainter...but there was def. 2 lines there. I took a digital test the next morning....and it read pregnant. I cried....I couldn't help it. I just couldn't believe it! My mom was in Cali....so I called her first. She didn't answer, but called me back an hour later. She was so cute- so happy- she cried. My mom's sooo not a crier! :)

The whole thing is crazy. My best friend Jaime just delivered a preterm baby at 18 weeks. I found out the afternoon she gave birth. It's ironic. I had so much guilt. I had so many emotions. I recently told her about my pregnancy. I want to say that I know what she's going through. I know she must be happy for me....and yet sad for herself. That's how I used to feel whenever people around me would get pregnant. I hope that it's not hard for her to be around me. I hope.

So do I feel pregnant? Er. I dunno. My boobs are kinda tender. But not too bad. I'm not sick at all. My pelvic area sometime is achy- not in a crampy way....kinda gassy, I guess. The only real preggo symptom I have is that I'm SO SO SO tired! SO tired! I could pass out at 4:30 if I let myself. I bought the book What to Expect When You're Expecting yesterday and started reading. I know that my friends have it...and have been passing it around....but I wanted my own! I really can't wait until I throw up for the first time...I know....you'll remind me of that as I'm puking my guts out! :) There's a lot of other things that I've been over analyzing....like....does that smell really make me nauseous? Or is it mental?

I got my first baby presents....a onsie that says "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandmas" from Derrick's mom...and a book....and Tori gave me a book and some random baby things. It's so fun!

I'm not sure how far along I am....maybe 3-5 weeks? I have my first Drs. appt on Sept 18th...I'll get an ultra sound to see exactly how far along I am. I'm really excited for that...I want to see the heart beat...I hope I can! Well....here's week one.