...Jude...

Oh man. I love this boy. He is seriously one of the coolest kids I've ever had the pleasure of knowing...and I'm so beyond blessed that he's my SON! Jude is so stinkin' sweet. He loves to give his mommy kisses and hugs...loves to jump on his daddy and rock out to some John Mayer... loves to "hold" his little sister and give her kisses on top of her head. He's always saying "I want baby..." whenever she's napping and he's not... it's just precious.

I have a love/hate thing going with this stage in his life... on one hand... it's awesome seeing how much Jude is learning every day... He says and does the funniest things. I especially love when he says "I dunno!" or when he trips and then says "I'm okay!, I'm alwhite!" Oh man! This evening Derrick told him that if he got out of bed even ONE time, he'd get a spankin... so of course 5 mins later he comes out... but luckily DLo was... "busy"... so I told Jude "Hurry back to your room so daddy doesn't spank you!!!" He ran, jumped on his bed, then wiping his brow (which was actually the top of his head) says "Phew!" I.Died. LOL! Where does he come UP with that stuff?! But on the other hand... it's frustrating that there is still a communication gap... and that there are still things that Jude just doesn't "get" ... like... you NEED to go to bed b/c Mommy and Daddy need a BREAK! Haha... but I want to cherish and savor these moments... b/c they're already going by so fast... and I just know that I'm going to blink and he'll be in school... or driving... or ::gasp:: dating. No... he won't ever do that! ;)

As Jude is getting older... I've experienced something I never imagined that I would ever experience again. I was always a tall kid. Always. In my kindergarten picture... I was in the back row... where all the kids next to me were the same height... as each other... and then there's this big jump and there's me... and then a bigger jump and that's the teacher. I was almost always THE tallest kid in class... and for certain the tallest girl. It didn't always bother me... but hearing the words "you're tall" all your life is thoroughly annoying. I'm sure those of you who are "short" can relate. I mean... Yes. I'm tall. No. You're NOT the first freakin' person in the world to tell me. I mean. Really? My childhood was great... don't get me wrong... but it was also very hard in ways. Sticks n' stones? Um... they don't always hurt as bad as words... and try growing up an abnormally tall girl... who is part Asian... with a dad who people mistaken as your grandpa (although... it didn't bother me or embarrass me that they thought that, only ticked me off!)... I mean... yeah... now that I'm a grown up... I chose to take those moments and mold them into who I am... and what I believe about me...

...It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who sees me and sees Jude and sees that he's so tall. I mean... His momma's practically a giant. But... already... people have started saying "he's SO tall" or more disgustingly "he's SO big". Don't get me wrong. I know it's just something people say. I know. And I actually say "he's really big" too. And... it probably won't be such a big deal when he's 6... and he ACTS like he's 6. But when he's 2... and he acts 2... but he looks like he's 5... well.... those strange looks... and then the "oh he's SO big..." has started to grate on my nerves... I think... Mostly b/c... it brings back a lot of yucky feelings that I had about myself growing up... feelings that I've overcome and moved passed... but now I feel like I'm experiencing them all over again w/ Jude. ...I find myself feeling so bad for him when I drop him off with other kids (ie Sunday School)... and they tell me that he's such a good kid...but doesn't realize how much bigger than the other kids he is. I mean... they're not being mean about it! They LOVE him... but the mommabear comes out and I just want to protect him from being made fun of or teased or picked on... b/c he IS such a "gentle giant"... even if he IS the one that's pushing other kids! I don't know. Like I said... it's magnified b/c he's so young... and doesn't know better. ...but I can't help but think of what life will be for him. ...I would hate for him to be followed to all his classes by the football coach (as I was by the basketball coach) to be recruited to be the linebacker (as EVERYONE keeps saying he's going to grow up to be)... when I KNOW that he's going to be some famous rock star!!! (aka- band geek) (Not that I wouldn't be supportive if he DID end up athletic or wanting to play sports... I just hate that preconceived idea that he's going to want to...)


Anywho. So. Son. I love you...you are more than I could have asked for in a little boy. I love you and your round belly...and your big long strong legs... I love your huge heart and your million dollar smile. You make your momma and daddy proud. Be proud of who you are, my boy. God designed you the way you are and you are perfect. Don't ever lose that joy... that spunk... don't ever be afraid to be yourself... of speaking your mind... of standing up for what is right... standing up for YOU. Mommy and daddy love you... and we are always.here.for.you.